Dear friends.

It saddens me to tell you that our good friend Doctor Steve who went under the member name Dr_Steve will not be coming here to the new site. On November 18, 2002 Dr_Steve Intentionally took his own life, leaving his wife of seven years. Many of his long-term friends will know of the many struggles that Steve has gone through in recent years, and although we do not support his actions in any way, we will try not to judge too harshly. He will be missed for more than just his thorough information.

We will not use the usual words that are pulled out of the hat at this time. We will try hard not to judge harshly which is common is such situations. We will try to understand. And if we can, maybe we can find a prayer for his surviving wife Debra, who is in turmoil at this time.

I have SEVERELY EDITED some words that his wife has sent to me about her husband. I have intentionally left out the specifics of his death, but if you are a long time friend of the doc, and want to know more, you can contact me, and I hope this information from his wife will help you to understand.

"This is a battle that Steve had fought since he was a
teenager - and depression has affected the last 3
generations of males in his family. All have attempted
at least once or committed suicide.
He had plenty of friends and family that cared about
him. He had the best medical care available - and
doctors that were concerned. Despite all of this, he
just got tired of battling the demons that had plagued
him most of his life.
I had been married to him for the past 7+ years - he
had attempted twice before I ever met him. I knew it
was likely to happen again - and that if he really
wanted to do it, it was beyond my powers to stop it."

(Severe edit)

"His recent legal matters we also making his depression
worse. I think he felt totally overwelmed by what was
likely to happen and saw this as the only way out.
Steve was a wonderful person who touched many lives
with his kindness and generosity. He would happliy
give anyone the shirt off his back or his last dollar
without a thought. He was a true friend to many. He
judged no one. He was also very intellectually gifted.
I am very grateful that he is part of my life because
it made me a better person and enriched my life in countless ways."

(Pages edited)

"He will be dearly missed but fondly remembered. I
believe he is in a better place where his pain and
suffering have ended. The best tribute to his life is
for people to strive for the peace and happiness he
was unable to achieve in his own life. He was not a
person who would want to be pitied - nor would he want
others to suffer for his actions. I think he felt his
depression was getting out of control because it was
starting to affect people beyond him - and he wanted
to spare his friends and loved ones from his pain.
This happened on 11/18/02. I really believe that Steve
just didn't want to be here and the best thing I could
do is let him go in peace - with love.
Debra."

The above was written by Steve?s wife. Maybe you can spare a few thoughts for her, and what she must be going through. I will leave this post pinned to the top of this forum for one week, after which it will be moved to another location.
Grotto.

Although we've been talking about this for a while, figuring out just how to break the news, I'm still at a loss for words. This is an awful day for both the site and our whole community -- the doc was a fantastic guy and he'll be terribly missed.

I really can't think of anything else to say. I hope the doc has found his peace, I just wish it didn't come to this. His family will be foremost in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry if I can't come up with anything more substantial to say in a difficult time like this.

We'll miss you doc.

I too am at a loss for words, which is unusual for me...what can one say or do? He will be missed and was missed even prior to this day...I had wondered where he was...why he was not posting anymore...he has helped so many here, me as well...I will pray for him and his family...there are tears in my eyes as I write this, such a terrible and preventable tragedy... Why God...why?

I hope that mercy and peace follow him and that he finally finds that which he must have searched his whole life for, and yet did not find. I hope that he is in utter bliss...I hope that he has now found peace, God, Love...completeness...he is not really gone, just in a different, better place. I know he is...

God bless him and his family.

Dr. Steve, we will all miss you terribly...but your blissful journey has just begun...may you have peace, love and joy for eternity!

That really comes as a shock, i knew that he was dealing with alot of problems, legal, depression and uncontrollable pain issues...but i guess i just didn't see that coming...i will keep his friends and family in my thoughts...the caring and generousity shown in his posts will be missed by alot of forum members, like myself, who repected him as a doctor who took time out to share his knowledge with us....paragoric

i did not frequent the boards enough to have known the great contribution he was giving, but i am terribly saddened to hear this and i pray that his soul is with God and i pray for comfort to all who are hurt by his departure.

i did not know him personally but have met many like like him and they are VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE indeed (gifted).after reading this article it amazed me that even if a doctor of all people could'nt get around this problem what chance have "normal people".
rest in peace friend

I AM UNABLE TO HANDLE THIS NEWS RIGHT NOW. I WILL ALWAYS BE UNABLE TO HANDLE THIS NEWS. HOWEVER, THIS IS A WAKE-UP CALL TO US ALL. THE DOCTOR DID HIS LAST HOUSECALL TO US VIA THIS ACTION.

ALL OF US SHOULD THANK THE GOOD DOCTOR AS WE ALL WILL BE WITH HIM SO VERY SOON. WHILE I AM DESTINED TO LIVE OUT MY LIFE IN WHATEVER PAIN AND AGONY IS THROWN AT ME, NO MATTER HOW LONG OF A LIFE I AM BLESSED WITH, IT IS STILL SO SHORT.

I AM CURRENTLY AT PT+48. MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS THIS REQUIRED A GOOD T. THEN I LISTENED REALLY CLOSELY AND THE DOCTOR TOLD ME NOT TO RIGHT NOW SO I WON'T.

THANK YOU DOCTOR STEVE. I LOVE YOU AND WE ALL WILL BE THERE WITH YOU SOON.

tears are obscuring my vision...literally...dripping down my face like a little waterfall. Tomorrow gang.

Jesus...I'm at a total loss for words.
(EDIT)
Let me add this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."


J

"When I die When I go. Take a knife, stick it in my soul. Send half to heaven, the other half to hell. So I can enjoy the atmosphere, see both friends as well. Not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of other people dying. But that don't stop me from trying to survive"

This post has been edited by J_Ramone: Dec 4 2002, 05:13 PM

i have read many of his posts ,and found him to be a truly caring person. i will keep him ,and his family in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh jesus fuck no.

Do not despair...be assured that he is in UTTER BLISS...He is in paradise...mourn not for him, but for his family and friends....

I'm at a loss for words. This is way to surreal. Grotto and Rev thanks for letting us no. He was a very good and kind man who would go out of his way to help. He will be missed dearly. I'm at a loss for words.

I did not know him but I understood his situation. We cannot know just what he was experiencing yet in our own pain and in our own humanity we share with him yet. I send my deepest sympathy and empathy to his wife Debra and to his family.

I have no other words.

Kermit Kebab

Oh no.. Not Dr. Steve.. Damn.

He was such a great guy... It is such a tragedy that he felt he was driven to this extent. Such a pity that some of the best thinkers, the most gifted minds, are also the ones plagued with severe depressions, self-hate, and fears. Perhaps intelligence itself leaves one more vulnerable to despairing...

Oh, Steve.. I'm so sorry to learn that you are gone.

Oh God! I have had a terrible feeling about Steve for some time-- We sent each other privete posts from time to time and nothing seemed to cheer him lately. I have to mark him as another casualty of a heartless and casually cruel "system" that refused to treat him reasonably as a chronic pain sufferer and human being. My heart goes out to his wife and to all his family and friends. May his soul find peace and freedom from pain at last.
Blessings, Steve-- you were a good Doctor and a compassionate friend--
ocean